First Posted on January 17, 2011 by alisonball

I have been in holiday mode for some time though the holiday period has been a mixed one this year- lovely to have some quiet time but also terrible to hear on the radio or watch on the television terrible disasters- some in countries in the wider world so much more impoverished than we are in Australia. But Australians and especially Queenslanders have been suffering as well in raging flood waters. Some have horrendous stories to tell and dreadful images to live with. For many individuals it will have been a life changing experience. We can have some confidence that Australians in general will get a lot more help than the many thousands in those impoverished countries like Haiti or Pakistan or Sri Lanka but we must not underestimate the suffering of each and every person.

I am reminded of how often people coming to see me wonder if they are “suitable” for psychotherapy. They doubt that their “issues” or “problems” are “bad enough” when they know that other people in the world suffer or have suffered far more privation or traumas than have they. Often they feel at one level as if they may be being “self indulgent” or should just “pull up their socks and get on with it”.

Rather than exaggerate their suffering, I often find that the very people who say this are the ones who I think have shown amazing resilience in the face of awful things happening in their lives. They have indeed, found ways of “getting on with life”- they have often, consciously or unconsciously, made big important decisions about how they must be in the world just in order to survive- either or both physically, psychologically or emotionally.

And survive they have- many have found a career, a paying job, formed relationships and created families. They have lived well in spite of the traumas that have occurred in their lives. Now they have turned up on my doorstep often because something has triggered memories or flashbacks to the trauma or traumas.

For others, their coping mechanisms have now become a problem in themselves and they seek my help- for example they became dependent on drink or drugs or maybe they had to learn to dissociate and cut themselves off in some way- or perhaps they cannot understand why they have gone through life chronically depressed.

Others perhaps at long last, feel strong enough in the world to “catch up with themselves”- to go back and think about and integrate the part or parts of themselves they left behind- the self who was in the position to have had to make those survival decisions so long ago.

And we can only hope that all those involved in these latest disasters are able to find the help they need right now and also far into the future. First and foremost they will need practical help and information and to know that they are not forgotten.

Some will need much time and space for debriefing and some will respond to counsellors right now. But others will need someone to talk to in a few weeks, a few months or even a few years down the track. Some will close right down and it may be years later before they can tolerate any opening up of their wounds. Hopefully they can then find the “someone to talk to” and the help they will need.